overwhelming

Why does life feel so overwhelming? I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Working so hard at life but never getting anywhere. I'm going through a medication change right now so that doesn't help. Nothing does. 

Private YouTube Channel

Sorry to be such a disappointment. I just set my channel to private. I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I'm terrified they will find out about my illness. I feel like such a failure. I'm going to keep blogging but that's about all I can risk.

Exorcism

So I've had a minor exorcism. It was done by a priest who later became my best friend and soon passed away. We now how my demons were schizophrenia. But here is theme weird part. He told me it would get worse before it got better. Well 2 days later this man showed up at my house. He was walking and lost. He kept saying weird things to me and really freaking me out. I eventually excused myself and got in the shower and cried. I prayed while I was in the shower that I was sorry if this was some type of message from God and I didn't understand. When I got out of the shower I randomly opened the bible and the words said, "these messengers are not from me". So I immediately freaked out lol. Anyone else have this type of experience? Let me k ow in the comments.

Glares

I can barely see right now. Everything has a halo and streaming lights bouncing off of everything. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd5TRvvjXI_PlOLlxKbn39Q

YouTube Video

So I finally made my 1st YouTube video. Check it out if you get the chance!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd5TRvvjXI_PlOLlxKbn39Q

Tired Brain

Have you ever been so tired that you absolutely cannot push back the hallucinations? I had to work today and I fought it all day long. My eyes feel so heavy. It's like seeing an overlay on top of the real world. But that isnt the worst part. The bad part is the distraction it causes. The constant reality checks. Your brain doesn't want to let it go. Well, at least mine doesn't. If you dont have schizophrenia you should really watch one of the simulations on YouTube. It will change your perspective. If you struggle with this too, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear about your experiences!

Schizophrenia / Floaters

So am I the only one who sees these floaty lines in my vision? It only happens on my schizo days. Some are just lines and some are in the form of shapes. One in my right eye almost looks like a dragon head. My logical brain tells me I'm just getting old and having vision problems. My schizophrenic brain tells me there is something more to it. It tells me they are little videos that I just cant see correctly. I'll get to this in a later post but it tells me that I need to "hook up". Whatever that means. I would love to meet someone who has the same visual hallucinations as me but I'm sure it's different for everyone.